my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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