I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
