Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
