I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
