Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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