I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
