um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
