made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
operation harelip BJ is a go
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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