I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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