pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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