That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't deserve a penis
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
