it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
