thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
