just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
