he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
