I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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