You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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