I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
