Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
