The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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