Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
