i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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