i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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