ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
