SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We just shotgunned beers for America
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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