i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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