Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
