Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
