enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
