I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
