oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
