it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
