I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
