Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
bring money and cleavage
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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