I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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