I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
