Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
