you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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