i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
