I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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