I am puke
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
