WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
