its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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