We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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