you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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