My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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