hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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