Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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