Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
