I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
