question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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