some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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