I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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