im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
