Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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