Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
