We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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