Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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