is your mom at the bar?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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