so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
