she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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