just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
